Traditionally, the US Senate Dining Room in Washington was recognized as both a
"safe spot" and a "happy place" for Senators hard at work on The Peoples' Business.
But no more.
According to emphatic reports by US Intelligence insiders, Putin's Operatives have successfully hacked into the US Government's Senate Dining Room Menu, in an apparent effort to control the dietary choices of elected US Government Officials and negatively affect the operation of the
US Senate.
A number of deliberate, sabotage-like dietary actions were directed by Russian operatives, before the current attack was discovered and terminated by alert US agents.
The Senate has just returned to the same menu as before, with all of the aggressive Russian
"menu-attacks" now neutralized
"I began to suspect something was amiss when they took the marinated chicken salad off the menu", said a Senator who declined to be named. "It was by far the healthiest item on the menu, and I personally know several senators who have been able to lose weight and improve their overall health by having that salad daily", he insisted. "When it went off the menu, Senators were just giving in
to temptation and ordering The Steak And 4-Cheese-Omelet & Sausage Special, which had mysteriously appeared, and had incredible levels of calories and cholesterol in it."
The rogue item has since been removed from the menu, and the old Senate Menu has been re-instated, with help from Intelligence Agencies.
Senators and Lobbyists hard at work while enjoying dinner.
But WHO is deciding the menu?
The Kremlin?
US Senators have long depended on the Senate Dining Room to help them maintain their health and energy levels needed for the grueling job of serving The Public.
Another Senator (who declined to give his name) claimed, "I have experienced this direct nutritional attack on American Representative Government. My meetings with important corporate lobbyists were being disrupted by, uh, well, let's just say, embarrassing digestive effects of some of these [Russian-sabotaged] menu items."
Mysteriously replacing the regular beans in the Famous Senate Bean Soup, were a strain of extremely flatulence-causing beans, substituted by Russian hackers who had penetrated the Dining Room's computer system and kitchen-supply/food-procurement orders. The severe flatulence caused a number of important Senate meetings to be shortened, or even cancelled entirely.
The Famous Senate Bean Soup, a sacred American culinary tradition, sabotaged
by Putin's order-------An act of WAR?
"Around the time of the horrific Syrian gas attack last year, most people don't know that the US Senate was also under a gas attack of its own", said a 3rd Senator, who also declined to be named. "And I heard the chili was even worse", added the Senator. The beans have been changed back to the old non-flatulent beans, and chili has been dropped from the menu, along with another item, that should have been a tipoff. "When that Borscht suddenly appeared on the menu last year, I should have suspected something", the Senator insisted. "But it was so good, I just let it slide".
Borscht on the Menu ----
Should that have been a red flag?
Saving the day----Inspectors at the CIA Lab verifying the purity and safety of produce
to be used at the Senate Dining Room.
A 4th Senator, who asked that her name not be given, said the attacks have not left anyone intimidated, and in her case have actually hardened her resolve: "This tells me we are going to really need that new generation of high-tech micro-nukes and other state-of-the-art weaponry to counter the Russian threat. Forget the cost. If the Russians can attack our food, we're going to have the capability to hit back, and hard." Putin is going to regret this".
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